Mommy & Me Swim Class or Hell?

We recently signed up my son for Mommy & Me Swim. Something both my husband and I were adamant about as he was a Combat Search and Rescue swimmer for the Navy and pretty much all of our family’s houses have pools. I wanted our son to be familiar and comfortable in the water. He had a blast and absolutely loved it, but from a mom’s perspective… Mommy & Me classes are…. a new level of hell. (Mind you, the last Mommy & Me event we went to he ended up with croup and in the ER).

We show up at 240 (swim starts at 3 but did I mention my husband is ex military? aka we are 20 minutes early to everything). We claim two chairs on the perimeter of the pool across from another mom, her husband, and their toddler. This mom was glowing with her, I’d say, about 8 month pregnant belly. My first thought…Props to you, girl. I would have sent Daddy and stayed on the couch. But, to my surprise she did the whole class with her adorable little boy  who did this adorable little shriek at the top of his lungs the entire 30 minutes. Yea, it was pleasant.

Now mind you, I’m a mom now. So I went out a week prior to this to buy a one piece because I didn’t feel it was appropriate to wear my pre-baby Victoria Secret push-up bikini to a Mommy & Me class, nor did I think my mom pooch would look too hot in it. I was pleased to see that most of the other moms had the same thought and were in the most basic black one pieces you could think of to cover every roll, dimple, and saggy boob. Meanwhile, each kid had on a brand new bright and shiny swimsuit. I thought for a second that maybe some moms did that to deflect attention away from themselves and their post-baby bodies…but then I realized that’s a level of crazy only I would consider.

About ten minutes into the class, buff Barbie who hasn’t had a carb since 2008 walks in. Ripped arms, chiseled abs, and a poppin’ booty… you know the type. Thanks for showing up in your thong bikini to make us all feel great about our mom bods, bitch. When I later said to my husband “Did you see that super buff mom walk in?” he replied with a simple “No, I didn’t.” (He’s been well trained.)

To round off this delightfully fun half hour, I realize as the class is coming to an end that I forgot a towel. Yup. Mom of the year. So, I use my husband’s shirt to dry off our son and my husband has to dry off in the sun and ride home in his underwear because his soaking wet shorts will “ruin the leather in our new car.”

So, in case you were on the fence about signing up for that local Mommy & Me class with your little one….my advice is do it. Prepare to laugh and, for the love of God, bring a towel.

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